Weiner’s Weiner Weinered; Weiners Weiners Weiners Weiners

7 Jun

There’s been a lot of salacious promiscuity in the news lately. You’ve got Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s affair with his housekeeper which resulted in a baby and a divorce from the Kennedy family, you’ve got John Edwards’ screwing around on his cancerous wife with his speech writer, with whom he too had a child out of wedlock. And the hottest topic of the minute, New York Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted today that he did, in fact, tweet some women pictures of his penis, recapitulating on an earlier claim that his twitter account had been hacked. People around the country are shocked, both that these dudes are getting laid more than they do and that these news items are routinely bumped for more boring information about Iraq or whatever. (Didn’t we “win” that war already? Why the hell do soldiers keep dying? Switch over to American Idol.)

There is a misconception among people, primarily women, that powerful men are slimy, cheating dogs. This is not the case. All men are slimy, cheating dogs, regardless of their status and social standing. Oh, a man may never act on his impulses, but he’s got them all the same. And it’s not just wanting to fuck some supermodel or pop star, that can be understood and forgiven. No ladies, your man is titillated by far more nauseating fare: wondering what an octogenarian sitting on the bus looks like without her house dress, thinking about how it would feel to screw a woman in the crook of her elbow, getting a boner from watching a member of MTV’s The Real World throw up. These thoughts and many other more gross, illegal inklings appeal to the prurient interest of your lover, your father, your son. Men are sick.

I suspect that women are just as sick, but I can’t know that for sure. However women have been more socially conditioned to reject their sexual inclinations, emitting groans of disgust at the mere mention of genitalia. Men do not have this impulse, and many of our basest fantasies have been catered to since the dawn of civilization. It might not be okay to have a Bacchanalian orgy with your siblings and cousins, but that doesn’t mean dudes don’t think about it. In fact, I guarantee they think about it, during many waking hours of the day and pretty much all of the sleeping ones.

Most women I know who converse via the internet have collections of dick pics that are so large, they need to be moved to external hard drives. My female friends tell me that their craigslist ads for dates are immediately responded to with a flurry of dick pics, sometimes with no message attached. Anthony Weiner didn’t tweet dick pics because he’s a member of Congress, but because he’s a man who unfortunately happens to be a member of Congress. Millions of other men’s dick pics are floating around cyberspace, unreported and unpunished. Weiner was stupid to make such a career misstep, though. Political impunity for sending dick pics really only happens at the Executive level.

One Response to “Weiner’s Weiner Weinered; Weiners Weiners Weiners Weiners”

  1. Boothe June 7, 2011 at 8:21 am #

    *nods in agreement

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