Holy Shit! Weather is Happening!!!

2 Feb

Right now, there are approximately one skillion, billion news websites, blogs, and twitterers yammering about the weather. With good reason, mind you, since the United States is currently enduring the worst winter storm since the Kaiser wore bratwurst diapers and horse-drawn carriages were pulled by saber-toothed tigers. Or something like that.

Weather is something everyone can talk about because we all have to put up with it. When it’s nice out, our spirits are lifted. When it’s shitty, we can be real assholes to each other. I wonder how many historical missteps and diplomatic blunders have occurred simply because the party in power had soaking feet from walking in slush. Perhaps the American Revolution might have gone differently if it were fought in southern California and not in the colonies.

Right now, people are calling the current blizzard “Snowmageddon,” and with the kind of accumulation we’re seeing, I can understand why. But really, folks, it’s time to just shut the fuck up about the weather already. Here in New York City, there have been countless hearings among city officials as to why the December 26th blizzard wasn’t handled as efficiently as some would have liked. The reason? No one likes to deal with snow! It’s necessary, it sucks, and complaining about it doesn’t make things any better.

All I want is a quick, “Cold enough for ya?” or a commiserating glance, and you can keep it moving. I have neither the interest nor attention span to talk about the weather all goddamned day. If you’re a meteorologist, or if you are tracking precipitation or something, then fine. Otherwise, deal with it like I have to deal with it, and please do so in silence until the Spring thaw.

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